Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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