I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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