i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
