Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
