is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
