im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize