I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
