I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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