why didn't you poke me back
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
