I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
are you so shy because you have an std?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
