He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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