hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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