I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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