2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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