I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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