I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
