wrigley field is MILF paradise
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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