I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
