Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I just found a bag of teeth...
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
