Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Please don't give away my fajitas
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize