What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
