I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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