That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
