The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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