I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
