My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
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