No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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