Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
then he tried to convert me to islam
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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