Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
