When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
