Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
