Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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