K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
