I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
