**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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