a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
