Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
