Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize