Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
