I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
