I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
