I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
