VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
