drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
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