i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
