You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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