And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
