He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
