Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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