Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
