I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
