it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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