if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Say something about gay babies.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
