a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
