i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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