I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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