I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
