Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
