I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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