Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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