TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
