if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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