so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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