I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
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