Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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