If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
