Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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