genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
