Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
