dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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