I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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