Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize