i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
