I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
