when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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