I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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