We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
