Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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