I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
This girl is more easily done than said...
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
