So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
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