Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
